Embracing authenticity - stop people pleasing
on my very own learning pathway now for quite a few years. Who is with me?!? I am getting better at it; this very email is the proof of my progress: unfiltered, authentic, quirky, imperfect but HAPPY! This morning I went on IG and the first thing on my HOME was this post by @tinybuddhaofficial:
“Mmmmh…”, I was thinking, ”what does the universe want to tell me?”
“Keep at it, Daniela!” – I guess *SMILE*.
It truly resonated with me, so I decided to share it with you. And my thoughts. And my unsolicited wisdom. And just my very own way of being myself.
For most of my 20’s I was caught up in the expectations and opinions of others. I felt pressured to conform with norms in order to ‘make it’. Again, that meant for me what people commonly expect from a successful, modern, independent woman that had graduated with science degrees from university: to get on the career ladder of (academic) professional life. I guess you can say that I was constantly striving for other people’s validation; my bosses’, my professor’s, my family’s. How did it make me feel? Insecure at best. Anxious most of the time. Inadequate on some days
In my 30’s I started realising that no matter what we do or how hard we try, that there will always be critics and nay-sayers. I started to shift my focus inwards. Up until that point it time I hadn’t been religious or spiritual. I grew up in a catholic family but never really connected with religion. Becoming a ‘free spiritualist’ (not following a prescribed religious pathway but rather exploring spirituality from a completely free position in life) in my 30’s, I also started opening myself up to more self-appreciation.
Self-love.
Honouring and accepting myself (Spoiler alert: not overnight, Gosh, still working on it!)
In my 40’s now, going through hormonal changes that all of us women go through around that age. With it, I noticed, comes greater self-realisation. The effects of oestrogens drop off and I suddenly don’t feel that urge anymore to ‘keep the peace at all cost’, ‘follow a commonly accepted path’ or ‘make everyone else happy’. Don’t get me wrong – people in my live are important to me. I care deeply for my loved ones and friends. I wish them to be happy! What has changed is that I don’t feel personally responsible anymore for their happiness. I no longer bend over backwards to ensure peace – confrontations can feel like a thunderstorm after a hot summer’s day. Explosive at first, then the cool rain kicks in and cools down the atmosphere. I have learnt about the value of clearing the air – best starting point for a harmonious and mutually accepting relationships with those in your life. And work life.
Long story short, it has proven its worth for me to shift my focus inwards. I acknowledge that this is a highly personal way, and it might look different to you, how and when, what and why… For me, external approval or disapproval received now is noted – reflected upon with some emotional distance – and accepted or rejected depending on the situation, comments, or intentions behind it. Others can be teachers for us and reflecting on their words can help us to develop further. Reflection is the healthier version than accepting at face value.
Let's impress ourselves with the way we grow, learn, and overcome challenges.
Remember, my friends, we are the authors of our own stories. We have the power to define our own worth and create a life that brings us joy. When we live authentically, unapologetically embracing who we are, we inspire others to do the same. Try this if you haven’t yet: don't waste your precious energy trying to fit into someone else's mold. Instead, let’s focus on being the best version of ourselves, constantly evolving, and living our truth.
I'd love to hear your thoughts! How do you prioritize impressing yourself over others? Share your wisdom in the comments below.
